Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
do herpes really smell.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
