whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize