I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
