I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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