if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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