I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
