somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
