Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
no you cant smoke seaweed
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Randomize
