I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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