Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
