maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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