yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
