hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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