I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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