How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
