She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
