He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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