Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
