I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
