The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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