Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
