just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
