do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The Olympian is in my bed
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize