I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
