I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
