Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
