just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
