She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize