Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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