currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
