Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
