omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
