I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize