WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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