Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
