That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize