im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
how does that bad decision feel?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
