**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize