I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
