youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
