you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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