i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
