walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I see more hoeing in ur future
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