Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize