what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
