I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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