the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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