My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
