you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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