I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
