Ambien. No doubt about it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
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