I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
