The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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