She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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