Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
