and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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