Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
