i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize