how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just high enough for therapy.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
