Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
