I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's shark week go big or go home
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize