Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
