This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
