I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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